I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
