I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
