Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i think my tv is drunk
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
