every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
