Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
tell me about the fingering
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
