i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
