sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
