From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
