Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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