just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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