Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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