just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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