Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
