Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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