i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
