8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So. Much. Porn.
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