matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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