I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
