Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
