ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
