She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
