You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
