They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
