I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Panties = found
Randomize
