Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
