I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
