There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
