so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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