in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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