Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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