So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
