he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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