I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
