im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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