apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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