are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
