So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
