you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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