RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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