I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
