i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
