I hate your face
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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