Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
