It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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