I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
