If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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