sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
