Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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