so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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