i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
