i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
