Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Randomize
