I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
