I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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