In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
