You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
