I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
