Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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