Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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