I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Randomize
